Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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