she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
