My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
