You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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