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there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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