I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
