why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize