I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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