what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
