I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize