I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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