I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
