i just made my gag reflex go away.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
