He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
