Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
