Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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