I wish I only lived at night.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
