i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
