3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
