You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The best walk of shames are on the highway
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
