White coat. Heels.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
