well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
