This is not my ceiling
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
