She announced her abortion via fbk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
