sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
