My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
