well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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