I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
