I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
