In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Never underestimate the power of titties
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize