so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
