Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He has the fingertips of a God
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