I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
