Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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