he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
