I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
