Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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