maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
