good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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