Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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