i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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