I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
