why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
