Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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