Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize