why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
