omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
vagina is talking i cant
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
