Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
