im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
how drunk are you?
Several
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
