They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
