When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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