How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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