Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
