respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
