I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
