Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
