Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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