i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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