Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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