I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
