two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
