I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
