when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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