I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
