I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
