Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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