Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Randomize
