Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
