We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
