everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
