We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
