Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
