At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
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