i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
