Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
