mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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