Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He kissed a someone with a penis
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
