Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
