She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
