Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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