3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
