So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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