What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize