I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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