what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
