its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
