i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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