My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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