i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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