Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
