he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
