as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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